my::stupid::mouth

and that red silky gloves
triggers

your chunky lips
that sincere eyes
your low soft voice
lingering resonates indulging

head to toe…

i want the whole you on my bed
next to me
undressed

pardon me
having these provoking thoughts
i need my release
i want you so bad it dries me

damn red silky gloves.

come back again please

it has been hard for me. these last couple months.
if there’s one thing i could ask out of people
is… time. i don’t ask much.

and today, is the most strenuous day i have to go through.
i think i’ve reached the peak of it.

haven’t i done enough for them all this time?
i know i shouldn’t be mentioning this. 
i shouldn’t even weighing favor for favor. sorry.
but i got to let it out. its killin’.

as i’ve tried to work things out many many times in the past,
why can’t you do so in return this time?

your laughter
its you moping
begging
who could say no?
i couldn’t for sure

it takes time
it won’t be soon i know
i made my stand
wouldn’t give up on you
cause it all brought the smile back in me

Rubyyyy…happy bday ya bro…ditelpon susah amat…keduluan sama fans2 elo yak… -doni-

Ma Bro..Happy Bday ye..Panjang umur makin banyak rejeki semua yg loe mau terkabul n yang penting sehat selalu n selalu dalam lindungan Tuhan..okey..nite bro -ricky up-

Happy birthday rub..The usual best wishes u oredi know ah.. Bright future ahead! Makin keren n dapet ce yg the right one for you di taon ini! hi3. -jess-

Rub happy bday y, wish you obviously the best of luck, gbu have a blast ho3  -wirya-

olla..hepi birthday!!wish u all the best..mai be ki chia ciak y..hahaha..=p  -melia-

Bro..HaPpY bIrThDaY 2u! WiSh U aLl tHe BeZt!! GUdLUcK in evEryThiNg u Do!! Let GOD leads u in EvErYsInGle way u do!!Try 2b more and more.  -A.Abdi-

Hey rub happy birthday! Stay out of drugs and be kool hehehe… Love u loads.  -tika-

Hepy bday yah pak boz.mkn2 jgn lupa.dpt cw cpt aj dah.haha  -wen-

Sahoooor sahoooor..Wkwk..Happy bday ya ngkoong! Wish u the best luck. Always be happy ya ngkong! Hv a great birthday! :)  -sillysyl-

KO rub..happY 21th bday y? PeOple said nOw its the time tO be a real man..I said u’ve been the real one..  -valen-

Hello my twins good morning come on wake up & say thax 2 our good 4 your live until today & next day after because its our days happy birthday 4 u   -mulyadi-

Ruby..happy b dae ya..mg2 tmbh kren,tmbh baek.trus ga galak2 lg..tambh byk berkat,pkny tmb yg positip2 d,mg2 pnj umr..gw tgg lo,traktirannya..hoho..GBU!  -atid-

Halo happy bday b0zz.. Sm0ga sukses disgala bidang dan di pake Tuhan lb dashyat lg. . G0d bless.. -willy-

Happy birthday sobat! Wish you longevity, prosperity, etc, etc.. How’s life going? ^_^   -cymz-

Hoho..Hpy bday,bro!Tmbh tua lg d.Wish u all the best yow,..D tunggu low makan2.He5..Godspeed y..  -robet&frenz-

Rubeeeh, epi bday yak! Pjg umur,sehat2.. Be mature,b better,b d best! Suqses dlm kerjaan n cinta (ato cnta ud dpt nii?) ;p) treasure our fship now n eva. Gbu =)  -ellie-

Ruby.. Ruby.. Ruby.. hpy bday yaaa.. Wish u all d best.. Gbu always.. May all ur wishz come true.. Hoho.. Bestwishz, dnitaaaa..  -denita-

Happy b’day rub..Ga salah ni ak kali ini..Have a nice life ya..Ci uda 21..Km pasti sukses..N sori bwat yg kemaren..Ak cm pingin ngoreksi diri..Gbu..  -carol n sheila-

Selamat panjang umur saya ucapkan.. Selamat panjang umur saya doakan.. Selamat sejahtera sehat sntosa.. Selamat panjang umur saya ucapkan.. Happy brthday boss ruby.. Makin ganteng n cool selalu.. Smoga smua impian anda terkabulkan.. Gbu.. Maap kl ksiangan.. haha..  -julianto-

Hey rub… Happy birthday bro… Sukses terus, sehat lahir dan batin. hahaha… Makin dewasa dalam usia, pikiran dan dalam Tuhan.. Smoga berhasil dalam "penyeburan" berikutnya.. Ntar gw tmenin dah. Hahahaha.. Ok d bro.. be blessed ya. -yohanes-

Rubb..Happy Birthday ya..Panjang umur sehat selalu,enteng jodoh,byk rejeki, GBU..jgn lupa traktirannya ya..hehehe..  -heaven-

Bday wishes 4u, sweet serenity in all u do, truth in all u find, warm memories within ur mind, love filling ur heart, n special day all year through. Happy Birthday!  -vilia-

HaPpy B’Day KO Ruby..X’moga +cutez,slalu suksen dlm hal apapun ‘n xmua cta^ ko ruby dpt tercpai.. Skali lg HaPpy B’Day y…GBU…  -elfa-

Rub,hapie bdae yah.smg +keren,+cinta Thn,+maju dlm playanan,+cpt dpt ce (wakaka), pokokny tmbh OK dlm sgl hal d. God Bless…  -ella-

Knock knock.. Any1 there?
Oh good, hi i have a delivery 4u.,
(bear w/ flowers)
happy b’day ruby, GBU.  -linda-

Ruby, hepi bday yaH.. Wiz u ol d beZ.. Gbu olweiz.. -nunan-

Hey bang ruby, tiada brsua cukup lama. tetap saja beta ingat ultah anda. hepi burfdae yah! wish u all the best. may all ur dreams cum true! hv a wndrful bdae! =)  -hanny-

Happy b’day y…Maaph tlat ucapinnya…Hoho..Kapan makan2nya? wkwkwk…  -hanna-

Ko rub, Hepi bday ya!! Panjang umur,tambah rezeki,en enteng jodoh..hahahaha..Maju trs pantang mundur buat Dy!!Gbu   -yuyu-

Rub, hpy brhtday yoooo. . . G bru taw skrng. . . Pnjng umur, shat slalu n jgn lp, jng jomblo lg donk. Wkwkwkwk.. . Gbu always… -vincent-

HapPy bday! Ups,hari ini bkn siH? Ato tgl 18 kmrn ya.. ha3 lupa..MaAf2..Ya,kLo hari ini,hepibdae then..Kalo tgl 18,hepi belateD bdae..Ahahaha.SoMbOng euy.. -floren-

Bung ruby sori telat. Happy birthday, all the best.  -handy-

bi..happy brthday ye.maap n agk tlat.hehe wis u al the best d bi..kpn mkn2.hahahah.wez d mkn dwasa n mkn tmbh smua d.happy brthday y bi.  -indra-

on the ninth moon, 5th night
the once carried burden was removed
it came back in whole

on the 6th sky
greetings was the trigger
you appear in preface
what was once frozen
now beats again

on the 13th sky
the first chapter was written
word by word
verse by verse
and it shall beat resoundingly
continuously

——————————————————————————————
you might not know, and i might not know. but when the day came (if it ever came) let us smile and reminisce.

said it was running
though i don’t feel the rush
said it was an escape
yet i’m vaguely a prisoner

unlikely.
its unlikely. but you might be my perfect getaway.

————————————————————————————————–
four years it has been. and four years it took to realize it until its too late. she’s out of reach. there shall be no question raised on this.

Everybody can just pour out their anger, bitterness, confusion, failures, hatred, complaints, and etc etc, (just put in every word that relate to "problem") to me, and add the word "recyclebin" behind it.
Example: anger-recyclebin, complaints-recyclebin

That’s what I was. I am. I’ve been. And I guess I will still be. haha (i’m not sure though, if this is laughable or not). haha (there you go again, stop dude!).

TIME OOUUUTTTTTTTT!

Okay.

People have been coming to me (regardless they know about me or not) and just spill everything that’s been their burdens. And I can assure you that there are more than just finger-count cases where these so called "people" are people whom I know for only like days/weeks.

The lessons learned I conclude:

1. How sometimes sharing to a third party who don’t have any connection what-so-ever might be just the perfect getaway for a non-subjective solution. And yes its true on some cases. People complaint their boyfriend do this and that. Their crushes been acting weird and dead. And I provide no-sentiment perspective.

2. It gets interesting lately to see how different people get into similarly-repeating problems and burdens. It just varies in some details. But the big picture is more less similar.  

The dillematic side effect:

Well, I’m enjoying all ‘em. Its nice to be 24 HOUR LIVING RECYCLE BIN. You feel like you are needed. You feel like you are doing good deeds, good favor for people. You feel like you are significant to them. But aaa… the truth is, it gets lousy sometimes, like these times, when things are turned the other way around. When its not people looking for you, but you in need for other people to turn to, they just somehow disappear, couldn’t be found, away, reached mailbox, message couldn’t be delivered, or even "outside service area".

And then you begin to seek justification. Comes out "this isn’t fair", "where the heck is everybody when i need ‘em the most", "hey god, send me someone, like you sent those people to me". And as always, NO ANSWER you would get out of it.

Well, the good thing with me is that I self-heal. I can just forget ‘em the minute I click post on this blogpost. And I’m ready to do it and leave ‘em behind. NOW!

THESIS
i can’t believe that i passed the whole June with only two post and even worse no post in July. i guess the burden of a thesis has took it force more elaborate than just some sleepless night. and it hasn’t stop until now. why do my thesis defense has to be postponed? i really planned through that on the 9th i’ll set myself off of this burden, yet now i’m still carrying it, and although i’m fine with it, it’s consuming my energy and power of will.

MARAH
mau marah tapi ga bisa. itulah bodhonya saya. mau komplain tapi pasti saya salah omong lalu salah dipersepsikan lalu saya akhirnya ngomong semakin banyak dan semakin kacau. ada baiknya segala sesuatu dilakukan tertulis mungkin? maybe yes maybe no. ah ibarat mobil Mercy. yang gini gini tuh Mercy Seri "C"… alias Cape dee..

TERTAWA
despite those two paragraphs above, i’m feeling like i’m living my life to the fullest enjoyment these last couple months. a week starts on monday where i get to learn powerful stuffs from JPCC in its Community of Leaders program. tuesday i get to share what i learned in our beloved KomRat (Komsel Darurat) =P. wednesday, its always been fun with Doni and Anash as the host and the great food. thursday, a lil’ setback to reality. comes friday, the day when hopes are reborn. The day when i could bravely think about what to do, how much to spend, who to hang out with, where to go, etc. saturday, the day to bring out the best for God. sunday, the day for resting and just worship and honor God. its the best of all day there is. especially these last two weeks where i could spent it with amazingly fun and warm people,  (special regards to yu",din", n ichot).

a line i learn from someone.
now it became useful.

kemaren lagi tidur di mobil, ehhhh tau tau bunyi ‘dubrak’…
nyerempet kuciang… tobat liong tobattttt…
si meong si gapapa, tapi serem bdk dia mandanginnya… melotot gila!
mampus gak tuh, kucing item pekat lagi, matanya yg kuning gitu … *brrr
merinding ah

duh kok ga ada yg sms ya sepi…

akh sudah cukup lama saya tidak bergantung pada faktor eks dan faktor $ untuk menentukan rasa hepi g in life…
tapi rasa rasanya saya butuh sedikit boost up saat ini… fiuh… once in a while money does help to cheer you up a lil’… yeah once in a ‘looooooong’ while for me…

i feel like writing something…

i feel weak
not that i was strong
there are no state like the so called love
more less
the intense feeling of likeliness

i don’t have minutes for null